No matter how crazy life gets, you'll never have it as bad as Wile E. Coyote.
September 28, 2009
September 04, 2009
This Isn't Mine, But it's Funny
I swiped something.
Actually it hasn't quite happened yet, but I am about to steal something. The following words were written by a blogger I've just discovered. She's a commercial fisherman. Yes, SHE is. Cool, huh?
Anyway, she's very witty and her post a few days ago perfectly captured the male/female relationship. Her blog is called Skinny Runner and I hope she doesn't mind that I lifted this post without permission.
If you can relate to this totally gender accurate post, check out her blog. She's a great writer.
"Here’s a little story about dinnertime last night in the SR household… it’s a little long so if you don’t want to read it, I don’t blame you.
Last night I made homemade pizza, 1/4 veggie for me and 3/4 “Pepperoni-style Canadian bacon” and cheese for him. Husband looked at it and said he didn’t want it because it didn’t look good. Frad, (frustrated and mad) I told him to make a sandwich then.
So what did he do? He made a sandwich! WHAT THE HECK?! I didn’t mean “make a sandwich”. I meant, sit your butt down, shut your yapper, and eat the dang pizza! He ovbviously doesn’t speak woman.
Later I go to bed and start thinking about it because I’m a woman and we NEED to over analyze everything. I start crying, or more like alternating between sobbing and choking. (It’s also that special time of the month that made this whole event seem more traumatic than say, a death in the family.) I was really hurt because I felt incredibly disrespected. If I go to the work of making a meal, ok I admit, it really wasn’t that much work, then eat it! I’ll take your “suggestions for improvement” afterwards… even if this isn’t a made-to-order restaurant.
So my cries drown out the PS3 and hubby comes to see what Lifetime movie is such a tearjerker. I lay into him and he has no choice but to give me a back rub (score!) while apologizing over and over for being such a bonehead. He said he didn’t realize it was about so much more than pizza and sandwiches. HELLO! I’m a woman! It’s always about more than you think.
In the end I forgave him after I finaggled a “Yes, you’re right honey; you should go buy a new pair of Christian Louboutins as a gift to yourself for all your hard work this summer” out of him.
Moral of the story: uhh, there wasn’t one. What kind of story do you think this is? Shakespeare?
Woman are head cases. Men are just plain dumb. And don’t go to bed crying; no matter how much expensive eye cream you slather on, you’ll still wake up looking like a bag lady."
August 14, 2009
There's a Squirrel in My Shot
Have you seen this pic?
An American couple were vacationing in Banff this week and set up their self-timing camera to take a picture of themselves at the edge of Lake Minnewanka.
Out of the blue, this squirrel popped into the picture. Hilarious!
Wonder if he's related to this little guy I met in the Columbia Valley a couple weeks ago.
May 04, 2009
The World According to Americans
I am far too diplomatic to comment on this. But that's my right as a sterotypically peaceful Canadian :)
Click on the map to make it larger. And kudos to La Gringa, an American gal living in the Honduras. I swiped this from her website - which is excellent by the way. Check it out.
Boxcar, Calypso... I'd love to hear your take on this.
April 07, 2009
April 04, 2009
Sleep Talking
There was a tender lump on my noggin when I woke up this morning.
In the middle of the night I remember being startled awake during a strange dream about buying income trusts and BCE stock. In the dream, I was standing in the middle of the TSX trading floor, yelling "Sell it you fool - this thing has no legs! Sell, SELL!"
That makes me sound like a geek, doesn't it?
Anyway, I woke up with a racing heart and a full bladder so I stumbled in the dark towards the bathroom. And WHAAACKK. I missed the bathroom door by at least five feet and walked headfirst into the wall.
The thump was so loud it woke up my fella.
"Did we win?" he mumbled. Then he realized what happened. "You okay?"
I dream a lot, but rarely wake up My Fella with my dreams. It's usually the other way around. He must dream in colour because they are so real to him. And he's a very physical sleeper which means I usually end up with a bruise.
A few mornings ago I found a big purply-tinged hand print on my leg. My Fella had a dream where he was breaking open a heavy lock. He had fallen asleep with his hand on my leg, so my leg was 'the lock'. I still have that bruise.
One night he fell asleep thinking we were playing tennis and he whacked me in the head while trying to serve an ace. He said he could actually hear the crowd cheering him on.
He's elbowed me in the back while teeing off during golf dreams. He's fallen asleep with his arms wrapped around me and then dreamed about climbing trees. That resulted in a knee to my ribs.
And a few months ago he nearly body-checked me off the bed during a dream where he was a winger for the Colorado Avalanche. There was no scoring that night, I'll tell you that right now.
And then there's his sleep talking. He's done this ever since I've known him. Here's a sample of what suddenly comes out of his mouth at 3 o'clock in the morning.
"You said this was chicken. This isn't chicken - I KNOW what chicken tastes like. You don't know nothing about chicken." Snort, snort. Heavy breathing, then asleep again.
"Blahblahblah". Gargle, clears throat. "Honey, you gotta move your car - I'm painting the driveway."
Not sure what he was dreaming about when he woke me up mumbling this: "You can't do that in here. We don't have enough cheese. I said feta. Feta. Grab the feta!"
And sometimes he'll sleep talk in Spanish. "Tu eres muy bonita..." (That one I like - it means you are very beautiful. That's the first thing I taught him to say in Spanish :)
There's no real point to this post, I just wish he could sleep a little more peacefully.
Like these guys.
April 02, 2009
PTT (Post Traumatic Text)
My Fella and I both have Blackberries.
The phone, not the fruit. We got our cell plans at the same time and I didn't really care what kind of phone/plan I got as long as it was a decent price, so I agreed to a Blackberry.
And now I am a texting fiend.
I'd rather text than talk on the phone. My Fella and I usually text back and forth a few times a day. Sometimes we just send each other a G. When I first learned to text I accidentally kept sending him the letter G, so now we use that to mean "I love you".
Sometimes it's just to tell each other how our day is going or pass on some info. He'll text me: "Mars and Selena just had a baby girl." And I'll text back: "Cool. I just bought 100 more shares of Inter Pipeline. And I sold BMO."
On occasion I text-yell at him. For example: "WHY HAVEN'T YOU OPENED YOUR BANK STATEMENTS FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS? I'M TRYING TO DO YOUR TAXES AND I'M MISSING A BUNCH OF STATEMENTS!!!"
And sometimes it's just silly stuff. Like yesterday when I texted him this:
If you can't read it, the message says: "I drank 7 big yellow glasses of water today and peed 5 times in your Office!"
We have two bathrooms in our house and My Fella has Spanish books and golf magazines in his bathroom, so we call it his Office. And we have a kind of unofficial water rivalry going, to see who drinks the most water in a day. So My Fella would totally understand this message and probably laugh.
But the local computer repairman would just think it was sick.
And of course, I hit the wrong text address yesterday and sent this lovely message to the Rent-A-Geek guy who fixed my computer last year. I can't even remember his name.
I hope he's forgotten mine too.
March 29, 2009
Google Me
Here are the google searches that brought folks to my blog last week:
And my personal favorite google search in the last week:
Yeah - cause I talk about that a LOT on this blog...???
March 07, 2009
March 03, 2009
Meow
There's so much bad stuff and pure Yuck in the news lately.
A couple days ago I brought up a really sweet 'good samaritan' news story on the air, and a listener phoned me within minutes to comment how nice it was to hear some good news for a change.
That's why I like reading my buddy Boxcar Okies' blog every day. He always has a witty comment or a funny story to share.
The post I read on his site today reminded me of my spooky run-in with this little four legged creature, one dark and lonely night in Mexico.
Check out his blog post - it'll make you smile.
